Many clients that I work with, if not most, are on their own journey of evolving consciousness, of learning to embrace both the exquisiteness and fallibility of being human. The questions that I ask them during our sessions come from wanting my clients to know that I’m open, I’m present and I’m listening. They are invitations to go deeper into their reflections about themselves and others.
Why Me Is A Common Question
One of the most common question we ask ourselves when something goes wrong is “Why me?” “Why is this happening to me?” This question has almost become default for many people today. It’s not because we’re hopeless, cursed or plain unlucky. We’ve all had our struggles, some more than us and ultimately some less than us. These are all part of our life journey.
Asking “Why Me” when we are facing a hardship or conflict, tends to hinder and create self doubt more than help, for two main reasons:
- Sometimes an answer, a knowing, is not possible in that moment, especially if we are facing hardship and feeling overwhelmed. There may not be any real cause/effect to what happened, it is just part of the process of our life’s journey as uncomfortable or painful as it may feel.
- “Why Me” can freeze us into victim mode. Our monkey mind starts searching for a reason, for a place to apportion blame and our blame and judgment is often directed at ourself. This can further feelings of disempowerment and can quickly lead to feeling depressed.
Helpful Questions That Help Change Your Perspective
Questions are really essential as they take us on a journey of personal enquiry. They open and unfold aspects of who we are on the trajectory of our soul’s path. They hopefully shed light on areas that we don’t consider in our consciousness. More helpful question to consider during a personal struggle are:
- What now? What can I do next about this? (perhaps the answer may be to not do anything in that moment but to wait)
- How can I make this better?
- What help do I need to get through this?
- What is something I can do as a next step for feeling better in the moment?
- What am I saying to myself when I am feeling sad, angry, judgemental?
- What can I say that may be kinder or more compassionate to myself?
Down the track you may ask – “How could I have managed things better?” Asking this too early when you are in the middle of a hardship can risk leading to guilt and self recrimination.You may need some emotional distancing before you can visit this valuable question and learn how to take responsibility and make choices that are self caring and empowering.
Don’t Trust The Negative Voices
The first thing to remind yourself is not to trust the negative voices, which is where “Why Me” can take you. Or at least to be discerning – learning to draw on the teaching without the shaming. It’s valuable and sometimes essential to have the support of a good therapist, someone who is kind and impartial, who who can guide and support you around those negative inner voices. They may be about yourself or about others and the world and can quickly globalise into how bad your life is and the world to boot.
We Are Empowered Through Responsibility And Kindness
It is good to remember that our evolving consciousness is never motivated by shame, guilt or negativity. This is not the way that grace works. The practice in our evolving consciousness is to cultivate and trust the voice that is encouraging you, affirming you, helping you take personal responsibility without shaming you.
The Inner Voice That Guides and Encourages
It takes practice to discern the inner voice that guides, encourages and affirms. It is usually small and quiet and arises from the space within our stillness. The message is simple and always kind: “It’s Okay. You’ll get through this.” “Let’s just take the next step.” “You’re not alone.” ‘We all make mistakes.”
It’s good to remind yourself that your outer circumstances don’t define who you are. They are just a reflection of your choices, not your essence. We are in a constant learning curve and life provides many opportunities for growth, awakening, healing and releasing that which no longer serves us.
I would love to support you in your journey of personal enquiry. You can Book now for your free .20minute initial consultation.